06 November, 2007

Political progress

I went to confession today. The priest absolved me of my sins and gave me detailed instructions on how I should vote. Knowing that I am a faithful Catholic, he showed me a letter signed by the bishop of Opus Dei, noting which candidates had promised to subvert liberty by swearing fealty to Pope Benedict XVI and his successors in perpetuity. I dutifully memorized the list (what do you think we do in confession, talk about our sins? LOL) before I headed out to the precinct.

If you believe all that, you may be reading too many Chick comics. Or you might just have voted for Theodore "the Man" Bilbo one century ago.

Whatever you can say about modern mudslinging, today's mudslingers are rank amateurs compared with Bilbo, and he got as good as he gave. I have never seen a contemporary headline* like this one from the Jacskon Daily News**: (source)

I'll give you three guesses as to which term refers to Bilbo, and it's neither "war horse", nor "good walking stick", nor "Yazoo".

Not colorful enough for you? Take this remark: (same source)
Fred Sullens, the editor of the Jackson Daily News suggested in print that with Bilbo as governor the eagle on the dome of the state capitol should be replaced with a "puking buzzard."
Today's newspapers are perplexed as to why they don't command the subscriptions that they used to command. I respectfully submit that if they wrote headlines like those, they might just recover readers from the weblogs. It's not as if anyone reads Daily Kos or Instapundit for their careful, thoughtful analysis of the issues.

Bilbo also fired three university presidents and a number of university professors, which led to a loss of accreditation.

After spending two (non-consecutive) terms in office ruining the state's finances and opposing African Americans, Jews, and Catholics (Al Smith excepted), Gov. "once a Ku Klux, always a Ku Klux" Bilbo brought his state to a new low. He had won a third term as Senator from the State of Mississippi, but the United States Senate refused to seat him. The Republicans had just won a majority of seats in that house, and Bilbo was unfortunate enough to (a) be a Democrat, (b) have supporters who intimidated minorities who tried to vote, and (c) have taken bribes. The Democrats filibustered, preventing the Senate from conducting any business. Mr. Bilbo resolved the dilemma in inimitable style by dying of oral cancer. And here I thought Baptists back then couldn't smoke...

This gives us some measure of political progress: neither Mr. Barbour nor Mr. Eaves is a Mr. Bilbo. In my precinct today, I voted alongside minorities. Mobs were absent. Praise God, and pass the sample ballot.

*The Enquirer, The Weekly World News, and Комсомольская правда don't count.

**The Jackson Daily News eventually merged with the Clarion-Ledger.

1 comment:

Clemens said...

Ah. The good old days.