…oh, wait, no. Those are left-wing groups, doing the same things they've done for centuries. Not exactly news.
Nothing to see here; let the kids have their fun. Keep looking out for those dangerous, gun-toting Tea Partiers, war veterans, and other possible terrorists.
The Daily Mail, a British newspaper, published a wonderful astronomy story which, yes, I do think you should read. The comments are something else entirely, and are best typified by what is by far my favorite comment:
Don't Americans have their own newspapers to read?Two points:
Under Benedict, the church has brought back the Latin Mass in limited form, courted Anglicans disenchanted by the ordination of gay and female bishops and moved toward bestowing sainthood on Pope Pious XXII -- who has been criticized for not doing more to denounce the Nazis.Emphasis added. ... Read More!
—source
My son asked me at lunch today, So your Spring Break starts tomorrow, right?
I fixed him with a perplexed look. Where have you been? My Spring Break was last week.
It was his turn to be perplexed: he was at home all week, on his own Spring Break. But you worked all week.
Welcome to real life, I sighed.
Spring Break started with a huge disappointment, but got better. I had spent two or three months studying a problem that I was sure would be fruitful. I was right. It was quite fruitful, to someone else, seventeen years ago. Worse, I discovered his paper in my files, which means that at some point in the recent past I was aware of his work. At least I wasn't studying something pointless. In any case, it looks like I might be able to carry something further from there, but I want to talk with the author of the previous paper, to make sure I don't waste my time.
I haven't done so yet because several things distracted me. I received good news on two papers I'd submitted: one has been accepted, and I received proofs to check; the other has been deemed "acceptable, subject to revision," but the revisions seem relatively straightforward. Then there was all the other work I did, which I won't bore you with.
My wife once observed that students think that teachers and professors had the greatest jobs in the world, because it involved so little work. After all, we have no home work; we only work nine months a year, and get weeks off for Spring Break, Christmas vacation, …
Update: My wife corrected my memory of what she said.
I was watching the Olympic snowboarding the other day, and I noticed that the American team was dressed in what looked for all the world like flannel shirts and jeans.
Okay, sure: they were matching flannel shirts and jeans, but all the same: if your "uniform" consists of the stuff that half my high school acquaintances considered daily wear, then you can't possibly be involved in a real sport. Especially when your activity looks an awful lot like what those guys were doing during the remaining hours of daylight.
I was glad when NBC switched to figure skating. Only a grown man secure in his masculinity could possibly participate in an event whose standard dress involves both tights and glitter. You go, guys!
You think I'm kidding, and sure I was kidding about the snowboarders, but not about the figure skaters. I wouldn't want to be caught in a back alley with any of them, especially not if they had their skates on. I'm not fool: any man who can complete a triple axel, let alone a quad, is someone I'll gladly steer clear of.
Plushenko was robbed, by the way. Of course, if they hadn't given Lysacek the gold, he'd'a been robbed, too. That's why we have judges: whenever medals are involved, someone has to get robbed, so we need a judge to do it.
My wife and I were watching the pairs Olympic skating a few nights ago. We missed the first group, but we really liked the Russians (too bad they slipped) and the last (?) pair. Besides the great skating, that last pair had quite a few unique things going on:
6:00
With the first quarter almost over, the Saints' defense is looking as tired as the beer commercials , giving major yardage to the league's worst rush.
The best thing about the game so far are, without doubt, the Doritos commercials.
6:40
No, Dr. Love, that commercial did not work. The TruTV one immediately after was much better, though.
As for the game, just when the Saints were starting to look like they'd make a game of it…
7:00
My favorite commercial from last year was the avatars commercial by Coke, but so far the best they've put forward is the Simpsons commercial.
The recession must be worse than I thought: Teleflora and another company recycled their ideas from last year's commercials.
(In case you're wondering whether I have anything positive to say, Queen Latifah's rendition of America the Beautiful was quite good.)
7:15
The first four minutes of the second half were exponentially better than the first half in its entirety. The commercials were better, too. I might enjoy this after all.
I'd insert a joke about playing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony instead of The Who at halftime, but it isn't decent to make fun of the elderly.
7:45
Coke comes through with the best commercial so far. The Africa one, with the classical music (which is what made it the best, of course).
8:20
Best. Superbowl. Interception. Ever.
8:21
Best. Superbowl. Commercial. Ever.
Doritos, of course. Yeah, it's the thrill of the moment. The Coke one better (and the Google commercial was sweet as well; maybe later I'll like it best). But the guy in the Doritos armor was still great.
I'll nominate the Audi Green Police for worst one, hands down.
End of Game
For a lot of people in this area, the Saints were far and away the favorite, but for many either one would have worked, since Peyton Manning (the entire Manning family, in fact) is from this area. It was a similar dilemma a couple of weeks ago with Favre (an alum of my school) being the quarterback of the Saints.
Either way, it was a great game. When I was young, the announcers always made a big deal about a statistic that the first team to score was almost always the first to win. I didn't hear that today; perhaps the announcers made the comment when I stepped out of the room. I'm really, really glad to see that statistic defied yet again. But the Saints stayed in it, and deserved the win.
A conversation between my wife and me.
Are you ashamed sometimes of America when you are abroad?
I'm not, but some Americans are ashamed when they go abroad.
Why?
Well, they still believe the old Soviet propaganda.
Какой propaganda?
That we're the single greatest cause of evil in the world.
Это не propaganda. You should be proud of yourselves at being the best at something.
According to Wikipedia, the average low for Hattiesburg in January is 36o. Last year, the first week's highs were in the 60s and 70s, which is actually not far off the average. This year, many of our highs are lower than the average low, and our lows are in the teens. I feel like Minnesota's weather decided it was too cold up there, and moved south.
All of this surely means one thing: since Brett Favre is from these parts, having attended USM even, and since Minnesota weather is moving down here: he's going to win another Super Bowl ring.
This scientific prognostication is provided free of charge. YOU READ IT HERE FIRST.
Some people are all wrapped about today being the end of a decade. They're out getting extra drunk right now to commemorate the event.
Others are all wrapped up about it not being the end of a decade, because we have no year zero. Since the numbering system starts with 1—there being no year 0 AD—decades start in years ending with a 1, so the decade doesn't end until next year. So there, says they, exchanging smarmy glances of intellectual superiority betwixt themselves. It will surely dismay them that the first group will be none the sadder for the opportunity to get extra drunk next year, too. Tho there, theth they. (hic)
Well, says I, two can play that game. As a matter of fact, we do have a year zero, it's just that we tend to call it 1 BC instead of 0 AD. Likewise, we have a year -1, but we call it 2 BC. And so forth. You can, in fact, start a decade on a year ending with zero, so today is, in fact, the last year of a decade.
But, says the mathematician in me, it gets better, because it's merely a frame of reference. You can start a decade anytime you want: in a year ending with zero, ending with one, or even ending with π if such a thing existed. (It is, in fact, quite possible to imagine a year ending in π—quite natural, even. Maybe I shall go into the details in a later post.)
If you think I'm being disingenuous, then let me ask, How old are you? And whatever you answer, do you count from the first of the year in which you were born, from the date of your conception, or from the date of your birth? If you don't count from January 1 of the year in which you were born, why not?
The point is, it's all relative to whatever start date you choose. If someone wants to start his decade in 2000 and end in 2009, who else would begrudge him but a smarter-than-thou killjoy who thinks it's more important to feel superior (while being wrong) than to have a little fun?
I felt the same way over the furor about the new millennium ten years ago, too. Look: the new millennium started when the Age of Endarkenment began: on my birthday, which was (far too) long before 2000, 2001, or any of that Y2K nonsense. All you ignoramuses who argued about when the new millennium began were wrong. Now go out and have fun!
When reflecting on the cost in both time and money of maintaining a family, I've wondered how on earth men can maintain mistresses. I just don't see how it's possible unless you're filthy rich, grossly irresponsible, or both. But along comes a psychologist from France (where else?) to illuminate the real obstacle.
My mother passes along this story that I missed in Corriere della Sera, who are apparently translating a story in the Daily Telegraph, a newspaper in Great Britain (where else?). The French author Maryse Vaillant writes that infidelity among men is not a sign of weakness in a relationship, but of strength. It is monogamists, she says, that exhibit weakness. From the Telegraph:
"pathological monogamists" in many cases lack the strength of mind to take a mistress, she claims.So the real obstacle to my acquiring a harem isn't time or money; the real obstacle it's mental strength. It would be an understatement to say that this contradicts everything I've ever read on the subject.
"They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent ... during their childhood. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she said.
"They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."
A letter sent to all liturgical ministers at my parish church included several notes on procedures and practices. The following admonition startled me:
Out of respect for God and the people assembled to worship, it is very important that all liturgical ministers keep always a proper and modest attire when serving. No tennis shoes, jeans, shorts... Ladies, please, no low cleavage. Blouses, shirts and skirts should be modest at all times, no matter what is the occasion or in what ministry you serve. All of us, women and men, must strive to bring people’s attention to God, not to ourselves.So… "high" cleavage is okay?
The constant drumbeat of news telling people how bad life is in the South never seems to end. In case you haven't been paying attention: we're poorer, fatter, sicker, dumber, and more violent than the rest of the country. We're also more "conservative"*, have fewer labor unions, virtually no public transit, get pregnant out of marriage more often, etc. So say all the media outlets based in… uhm, help me out here… ah yes: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington, D.C., and so forth.
(Hmm, Yankees. What a coincidence.)
Anyway, there's a new study out which was not conducted from up north, but from across the pond, and it's quite something. According to this British Study, the happiest states in the Union are New York, California, Illinois, and D.C. Right? Wrong, actually.
Of all places, Louisiana is the happiest state in the Union. Before you jump to the conclusion that Governor Jindal should thank all those sinners in New Orleans who will surely regret this come Judgment Day, let me point out that
Alabama, Florida, Mississippi, South Carolina, and Tennessee all appear in the top ten States. I mean, the only states of the Bible Belt missing from that list are Arkansas and Georgia, and they're ranked 17 and 19, respectively. The top ten are rounded out by Hawaii, Arizona, Montana, and Maine, states that everyone will recognize as centers of cosmopolitan culture.
Weirder yet, the authors of the study say that they don't base their conclusions merely on a survey, but on studying "objective factors" as well: things that include—I am not making this up, I swear! read the article!—environmental "greenness", violent crime, student-teacher ratio, and local spending on education and highways.
I don't get it. The easiest way to get happy is fire water, right? I mean, that's what college students do to get happy, ain't it? That's why they call it happy hour, ain't it? An' if you're fixin' to buy some fire water in this state, then unless it's your run-of-the-mill horse pi—uhm, beer, you have to visit a Wine & Liquor establishment. And they ain't even open on Sundays, so you know people around here have got to be dyin' from depression at least one day every week!!!
So what do people around here have to be so happy about? After all, it's not as if there is a relationship between religiosity and happiness.
Or something.
Anyway, what about those earthly paradises in D.C., Illinois, California, and New York? I wouldn't move there anytime soon if I were you; they were ranked 36, 45, 46, and 51, respectively. Imagine that: New York is the unhappiest state of the Union. Damn, that explains a lot.
*conservative: Whatever that means, considering we receive a disproportionate amount of federal outlays compared to our taxes. Southern senators have a well-deserved notoriety for their ability to direct federal dollars this way, which is why virtually every government installation is named for some Senator: the Trent Lott Center for Entrepreneurial Excellence, the Thad Cochran Center for Agricultural Research, NASA Stennis Space Center, etc., etc. ad nauseam. As if Trent Lott knows anything about entrepreneurship, Thad Cochran knows anything about agriculture, or John Stennis knew anything about space exploration. Say what you will about the Russians; at least they name scientific and academic installations after people who actually, you know, contributed something to the field.
Edit: Sorry, forgot to thank the First Thoughts weblog, which is where I found it. Their take on it is pretty funny.
FIFA drew the groups for the World Cup 2010 tournament today by lots. Over the last few years I have developed a highly sophisticated formula* that predicts quite accurately** the final results. I don't have time*** to consider all the teams, but here are the ones I care about most:
My wife told me today this joke from Soviet times:
A woman asked her servant about the commotion on the streets. It's a revolution! the servant answered with excitement.... Read More!
The woman grew somewhat excited herself. Oh, wonderful! My grandfather fought in the last century's revolution! What do the revolutionaries want?
They say they want to make poor people rich!
Oh, this is different, the woman mused. My grandfather and his comrades wanted to make everyone rich.
The other day I gave my elder daughter something to eat. She dropped it, and without pause reached down, picked it up, and popped it into her mouth. My wife rolled her eyes and sighed, Русский не поваляет, не поесть.
I understood everything except the third word. My wife translated, "A Russian can't eat, unless he wipes the floor with his food. It's a Ukrainian proverb. My father's mother used to say it all the time." She had to remind me that her father's side of the family is Ukrainian.
I once came across a web page dedicated to Ukrainian proverbs about Russians. I only remember one, which I thought funny and related to a Russian officemate. He wasn't quite so amused; for some reason, Ukrainian proverbs about Russians tend not to be flattering.
I suppose that when a neighboring nation's armies take up long-term residence on your territory, it grabs one's cultural attention. Perhaps in a similar vein, Italian pop songs from the 70s and 80s refer frequently to America or to Americans: for example,
National Review Online's corner has pointed out that, according to the government's own website, the stimulus bill created 2,873.9 jobs in New Hampshire's "00 Congressional district". It also created jobs in the 6th, 4th, and 27th districts.
This is weird, because if you look at the website you see that they spent over a million dollars in the 4th district, and created all of 0 jobs. Think about it: according to the government's own website, we've spent over a million dollars creating 0 jobs. Not a single one.
It gets weirder yet: legally speaking, New Hampshire has only two Congressional districts, traditionally been numbered 1 and 2. Those appear in the list, too. The first district received 377.8 jobs, and the second received 271.6 jobs. So then you ask yourself: what on earth are they doing that counts .8 and .6 jobs? part-timers? shouldn't it be 1 job, even if it's part-time?
I showed my (Russian) wife, who offered a typical (Russian) insight: Those people always find ways to steal money.
In case it changes in the future, here's an unretouched snapshot: (click for full size)
I hope to God it does change. I guess this is a programming snafu of some sort, but what sort of programming snafu turns 1 job into .6, or reports jobs in districts that don't even exist? Beats me, but New Hampshire ain't alone:
Here in Mississippi, we have all of four Congressional districts, but we've also created jobs, or at least spent money to create jobs even if none was created, in districts 28, 00, 5, 48, 6, and 19.
That 19th district might have transferred from Illinois, whose report includes six fictitious districts, with at least 0.8 jobs in each, but whose 19th district (which really does exist) doesn't show up at all. No jobs for you, guys. That's what you get for voting Republican. ;-) Of course, our 19th district spent $94,000+ to create 0 jobs.
Just remember: this is all former President Bush's fault. The current president continues to insist that his administration is the most transparent, technologically savvy administration, staffed only with people selected for competence (not ideology!) since, like, ever, dude. To the max. The same way his campaign was going to rely on public funding.
To be updated as time goes by.
It's been an awful week for Prime Minister Berlusconi. The Italian version of the Supreme Court rejected a law that immunized the top leaders of the Italian government from prosecution, which means that several prosecutions into Berlusconi's past will resume. In his subsequent remarks to reporters, Berlusconi was genuinely angry:
We will move forward. We have governed five years without [the immunity]. I didn't have faith because with a constitutional court with eleven left-wing judges, it was impossible that they would approve this. In the end, I'd like to say that the synthesis is this: thank goodness that Silvio is here. Because if Silvio wasn't here with his government and with the support of 70% of Italians, Italy would be in the hands of a left wing that would make of our country something which you all know. And so, it's fine that way. We have, number one, a well-organized minority of red magistrates who use the legal system towards political ends; we have 72% of the press that consists of left-wing journalists; we have all the news shows on public television, paid with everyone's money, dominated by the left wing; they make fun of us even with comic shows; you all know whose side the head of state is on; we have eleven judges on the constitutional court chosen by the heads of the left wing who make of the constitutional court not an organ to guarantee justice, but a political organ. We will move forward. The investigations that they will hurl against me in Milan are of a nature that is authentically false; I will lose an hour from public service to go there and put the lie to all of them. These things here they make my responsibility; they make them the Italians' burden; hurray for Italy; hurray for Berlusconi.Wow. An entire minute without any jokes, without any funny decsriptions of his political opponents? Has anyone ever seen Berlusconi lose his composure that way?
Maybe this is why Chicago didn't get the Olympics -- the IOC didn't want the spectacle of seeing gold medals handed out before the events are even started.... Read More!
From an email exchange with an old college friend that got off topic:
... Read More![Using Facebook] I was able to find my grade school classmates in [my home country], high school, [university] classmates.
I'm not sure I want to be found; I'd have too many apologies to issue for (inadvertently) offending or insulting people. Anyway, I'm sure Google will do the job for anyone who tries hard enough. :-)
For example, I just discovered through Google that [a former friend of ours from undergraduate school] left biology a couple of years ago and went into selling real estate. It's pretty d—n depressing that people are leaving biology to make their careers in real estate, especially when you consider how the real estate market has done the last few years. Yet one of my colleagues in the department here also sells real estate on the side, and is representing another colleague who is buying a house. I'm telling you, everything I was ever told about how the world works was backwards, so much so that I wonder if I was lied to all my life. ;-)
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