I can't believe they call this a sport

I was watching the Olympic snowboarding the other day, and I noticed that the American team was dressed in what looked for all the world like flannel shirts and jeans.


Okay, sure: they were matching flannel shirts and jeans, but all the same: if your "uniform" consists of the stuff that half my high school acquaintances considered daily wear, then you can't possibly be involved in a real sport. Especially when your activity looks an awful lot like what those guys were doing during the remaining hours of daylight.

I was glad when NBC switched to figure skating. Only a grown man secure in his masculinity could possibly participate in an event whose standard dress involves both tights and glitter. You go, guys!

You think I'm kidding, and sure I was kidding about the snowboarders, but not about the figure skaters. I wouldn't want to be caught in a back alley with any of them, especially not if they had their skates on. I'm not fool: any man who can complete a triple axel, let alone a quad, is someone I'll gladly steer clear of.

Plushenko was robbed, by the way. Of course, if they hadn't given Lysacek the gold, he'd'a been robbed, too. That's why we have judges: whenever medals are involved, someone has to get robbed, so we need a judge to do it.