The future looks promising

Less than one year before their presidential election, and the American people already hate all the candidates. According to Rasmussen, every last one of the candidates scores a net negative result when tallying those would definitely vote for someone and those who would definitely vote against someone.

Anyone else want to run? I'm already looking for a write-in candidate. It's comforting to know that your horse will lose before the race even starts. I'm too busy myself, and besides I have a lot of skeletons in my closet: students dissatisfied with their grades, children who will happily sell all sorts of nightmare stories to the press—if only the one year-old could talk. He makes me go to sleep in my own bed! I have no idea how the major candidates manage to keep their kids quiet. Bribes, maybe?