BUY BUY BUY

Congress passed the bailout. The President signed it. Stock prices fell.

That keeps with the recent pattern, actually. Stocks have fallen pretty much every time the government agrees to bail out somebody. The biggest rise in a long time came Tuesday, the day after the House of Representatives refused to pass the bailout. The Dow Jones Industrial Average rose 500 points that day. For some reason everyone took this as a sign that the bailout was all the more urgent; the President revived his push, and voilà: stocks have fallen every day since then. Don't take my word for it; you can look it up online.

Maybe the market doesn't want a government bailout? If stock prices are this low, I say BUY BUY BUY! Let's bail ourselves out of this mess! Prices are bound to rise again, and then we'll get rich. That is, unless Paulson and Bernanke are right, and it's the apocalypse. Then again, if it's the apocalypse, we'll be in heaven, right? Who in heaven cares how their stocks perform?

I'd put my money where my mouth is, but I have no money. My wife adheres to a maxim popularized by my mother: All that's yours is mine, and all that's mine is mine, too! Joe Biden might criticize the lack of patriotism in that point of view, but my wife isn't American, so Joe Biden can stuff it.

If I did have money you can bet your bottom dollar I'd be buying. I have thirty years' hard labor before I retire. That's plenty of time to recover from all the stupid financial mistakes I'm bound to make.

UPDATE! The monthly contributions to my retirement account were deposited Thursday, so in a backhanded way I did in fact BUY BUY BUY!

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In case you think I'm serious, don't miss the tag below the post that says "Attempts at humor."